Soon, We Will Be Them
I just finished the book, “Old Friends,” by Tracy Kidder.
Although it reads like a novel, it’s actually a work of non-fiction that was originally published in 1993. It tells the story of several of the residents of what was then called a “nursing home” named Linda Manor, located in Leeds, Massachusetts (today, it would more accurately be considered an assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing facility).
Kidder’s depiction of life at Linda Manor was raw, honest, heart-warming, poignant, uplifting, and sad. But what struck me most was how life at Linda Manor seemed to be so much like life at similar “senior living” facilities today, more than 30 years later.
That, to me, is tragic.
How is it that over the past three decades, society—and the senior care industry—seems to have made so little progress in addressing the care of our oldest Americans? So much so it could very well have been written TODAY?
Some of the themes of “Old Friends” include staffing shortages, dismissive caregivers, ageism, dementia, less-than-desirable food, inconsistent rules and regulations, the life-changing impact of chronic illness, and the mundanity of routine—all of which are present in many “retirement communities” today (especially the staffing shortages).
But the residents and their stories are what truly make the book memorable—and worth reading. Lou and Joe, Earl, Bob, Art, Ted, Winifred, Eleanor, Hazel, Dora—people whose ages span more than 30 years, who come from all walks of life, and who are determined to make the best of their circumstances, regardless of the challenges they face.
Though most are physically frail—and some have cognitive challenges—they are all strong in spirit, conviction, and in their commitment to the community they find themselves a part of.
Which is why, as Older Americans Month 2024 draws to a close, we must redouble our efforts as we work to make life better for the oldest among us. We must prevail on the corporations—both for-profit and non-profit—who operate these facilities to up their games considerably.
Yes, aging in place is important. But for many older adults, it is simply not realistic.
So let’s start marshaling our creativity, innovative thinking, age-informed design ideas, caregiving strategies, program ideas, and commitment to our older brothers and sisters—and begin to create a new-and-improved vision for communal settings in which older adults can enjoy the highest quality-of-life possible.
After all, they not only deserve it—they’ve earned it. And soon, we will be them.
PS: The image accompanying this post is not meant to be ageist or ableist—it is how I picture the relationship between Lou Freed and Joe Torchio, two of the central characters of the book (both of whom used canes).